It’s my birthday coming up soon, and I always like this time of year because I can’t help but look at the past and where I have come from, and look at the far reaches of the future and see where my life is possibly heading. Some people say that you should always live life in the present, be happy in the now, and not to worry about all that other stuff. That may be true to a certain extent, but it is also good to see where you’ve come from, who has impacted your life, and how you may have impacted others, and it’s always good to keep your eye on where you’re going, because you never know when something is going to jump out in the middle of nowhere and take out one of your side-view mirrors. Sure, you can’t avoid every something that’ll come your way, but you can at least control some of the somethings, and that is always a good reason to keep your head up, because if you have blinders on, you hit every single something that hurtles itself toward the Smart Car that is your life. And those things look pretty flimsy, so you always want to pay attention, because the side-view mirrors on those things are, like, half the car!
So, I look back at all the family birthday parties that I have had throughout the years, and marvel at the fact that people were able to get me anything because, a) my birthday is 11 days after Christmas, and ii) I am notoriously hard to shop for. But my life is more than just birthday parties. I think back to all of those times Mom and I had to pile in the car and head up to Bangor for my weekly physical therapy sessions, and that time when Mom put a soda on top of the car and forgot about it until we noticed the caramel-colored rivulets of high fructose corn syrup coursing down the back window. I think back at the scores of Christmases spent at my house on the lake, waking up to my sister’s excitement at what might be under the tree, and then making the trek out to my grandparents’ house overlooking the harbor, and the chaos of 20+ people all opening gifts at once.
Another great aspect is that your birthday really brings your good friends out of the woodwork:
- Those friends who are willing to go to the supermarket and buy all the ingredients to make the Reese’s Peanut Buddha Cake that they came up with, because what nontheist doesn’t want a Buddha cake for their birthday? And oh, by the way, they’ve never made a from-scratch cake before. I mean, c’mon, that’s love right there! Irony and love always go hand in hand. If you don’t have both in abundance, I’d go out and look for better friends. (Just putting that out there…)
- Those friends who call you up every year since childhood and you pick up right where you left off, and you’re sure to call them on their special day, because that’s what really makes the day special.
- Those friends who buy you trick candles (even though you’re asthmatic), and not enough frosting so the sides of the cake are naked, but you don’t mind because any birthday isn’t complete without them being there, and, y’know, sometimes culinary nudity in cake form is not such a bad thing. It adds character.
- And, of course, those friends who take a minute out of their busy schedule and jot a little note off to you on your Facebook wall, some of whom you haven’t talked to all year (except on their birthday), and every time a message comes in, it puts a little smile on your face, because you realize just how significant you are in the grand scheme of things.
And what of the future? Your guess is as good as mine. One of my friends’ mothers always told her growing up that the future is written in pencil; it can be erased and re-written at all times, depending on the choices we make. While the past is rigid and chiseled into stone, our future is like Jucuzzi jets of possibilities bubbling up to the surface, so random and slippery.
The future is something I like to think about from time to time. I remember once sitting in the parking lot of our local grocery store and looking around at things and wondering what everything would look like in 50 years. Because the stark reality is that nothing is static. Everything is always in flux. Almost everything. Your family will always be your family, and for the most part, your friends will always be your friends. And it is so nice to carry that notion around with you when the rest of the world seems chaotic and inhuman. Because, like it or not, we are not discrete entities; we are our experiences, our knowledge, and our opinions. We are the people we meet who leave indelible imprints on our lives, and we are those people who we imprint. And everywhere I go, I lug on my back a pack of my shared humanity and I, at any time, can unload it and use it at will.
I guess what I am trying to say is that it is important not to dwell on any one thing, but at the same time. it’s also important to examine your life and find out how lucky you are to be living on this planet, and be comforted in the fact that, thanks to your backpack of life, you are strong enough to take on anything that runs at your side-view mirrors. Some of things will scratch your paint, or knock out a headlight or two, but there are very few things out there that will necessitate a wrecker.
So, to all of you in my pack, I say thanks.
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